Emily in France 🇫🇷 French Manners Are... Different

French manners are pretty different.

I was raised in a household where manners were of the utmost importance, so imagine my surprise when I found that in France, I was being rude without even knowing it!

Manners and etiquette differ in a lot of small ways, in France, but here are some of the big ones that surprised me when I first arrived (or, if we're honest, in some cases, years later.)

1. You must say hello...
The importance of saying bonjour in France cannot be overstated. I'm nearly convinced that the reason why so many Americans think the French are rude is because we're rude first: we don't tend to say hello, instead just sort of launching into a conversation, as though it was already in process.

The French don't do that.

There is an exchange of bonjour – and *just* bonjour - before every interaction, and possibly the biggest slight you can impose on someone is to neglect to say bonjour to them (something I've heard my French friends discuss in hushed tones, in the same manner as if someone had kicked their dog).

2. ... but not too much.
Bonjour is important, but don't go throwing it around willy-nilly: to say bonjour twice in the same day to the same person is also offensive, because it implies you don't remember already having seen them that day. If you find yourself in this situation, the appropriate greeting is re-bonjour (hello again!)

3. Don't give people wine.
Wine usually feels like a pretty safe hostess gift, but not in France. People here have very firm ideas about wine, and they apply this rich knowledge to the selection of their bottles. If you go to a dinner party toting a bottle of wine, one of two things will happen: either the host will put it away, implying that it's not as nice as the bottle he had selected for the evening, or he'll open it, implying that yours is nicer than the one he had intended (and therefore that you, as a guest, weren't worth a nicer bottle).

Either way, it's a faux pas, and you're much better off bringing chocolate.

4. Cut the cheese properly.
Most traditional French meals will include some sort of cheese course, usually served between the main and the dessert. But when the cheese comes around to you, don't go hacking into it – there is proper protocol for cutting cheeses. Round cheeses should be cut like a pie; wedge-shaped cheeses cut into even slices. And as for Brie... well... there's a diagram that tells you how to cut Brie.

5. Look people in the eye.
Most French dinners (and some French lunches) start with that magical hour: apéro. So much better than cocktail hour, this is a time where you sit down over drinks and assorted snacks and just... hang out. The host and hostess of the party are seated, and everyone just kind of chats for a while.

But at the beginning of apéro, there is an all-important moment: the cheers. When everyone says santé, be sure to obey the two most important rules: firstly, never cross arms with anyone at the table. And secondly, look each person in the eye as you touch glasses. (If you don't, you'll allegedly be cursed with seven years of bad sex.)

Where I'm Eating

You've still got time to check in the current chef-in-resident at Les Résidents in Paris. South African Kirsten Shaw is the latest chef to grace this unique kitchen with her presence, and she'll be there until the end of the month. Find out more on the blog.

As always, you can find my ever-evolving list of my favorite Paris restaurants here.
 

Where I'm Going

Just one this week, as tomorrow, I leave for a ten-day trip to Japan! I've never been before, and I'm so excited. Follow me on Instagram to keep up to date on all of the sushi I intend to eat.

What I'm Reading

1. This study that showed that playing music to cheese changes its flavor.

2. An exploration of the way that the food our early ancestors ate helped develop specific linguistic phonemes.

3. An update on the Camembert debacle – folks are sending actual Camemberts to MPs' post boxes in protest of the new labeling laws, which may be the Frenchest thing I've ever heard.

A bientôt !
Emily in France